The following are books that are carefully selected for you. Consider them and buy the ones that you feel will best help you deal with loneliness.
by
Voyle A. Glover, Esq.
I remember being nineteen and in the United States Navy and
having such an overwhelming sense of loneliness. I was surrounded by people, but I was lonely. Even parties didn't help. At parties I always had the feeling that everyone was somewhere else. I'd be talking to them and wondering: "Who are these people?" Oh, I knew their names. And sometimes I'd know something about them. But they were strangers to me.
Being surrounded by people is not a cure for loneliness. One may have dozens of people at his or her beck and call, may have dozens of people who attend to his or her every need, yet have a deep, abiding loneliness. One may even be what is commonly called "a loner," which implies he or she enjoys being alone. But even that personality trait (which I have) is not an antidote for loneliness.
When I went into the Navy, I had to take a battery of tests in order to determine what job I was best qualified to perform. I was told that I was superb material for the submarine service. I inquired as to why and was told that I had a "loner" personality. They determined that I could take prolonged periods of time alone, away from family and friends and not be adversely affected. I was tempted. I knew they had some insight to my personality because I used to stay out in the woods as a kid growing up and loved every minute of it. Later, when growing up in Arizona, I'd take extended trips into the desert alone and loved it.
But I was almost always lonely. Even when I was enjoying my aloneness, I was lonely.
Over the years, I have come to understand loneliness better. I now understand why some folks go through life lonely while surrounded by friends and family or others. I understand how some folks can isolate themselves and not even comprehend their loneliness. I know that I never really recognized my loneliness for years. I'd have the strange, detached feeling deep within and wouldn't understand it. I recall the first time I ever turned inward and looked at it and wondered about it. I was in San Diego, California sitting in a cafe drinking a cup of coffee. I was in uniform and there were probably a dozen people present. And all of a sudden, I had a strong feeling of detachment, similar to feelings I'd had before, but this time very strong. And I began to think about the feeling. Although the feeling was one which I'd had many times before, I'd never taken time to think about it or even categorize it. It was just there and I'd always accepted it as a part of me. But this day, as I thought and looked inward, I began to realize that I was lonely. At first, it was hard to accept. I viewed it as a weakness. But I had to finally come to grips with it and admit that I was lonely.
But ironically, I did not have a desire to mix and mingle with a lot of people. I did not like crowds. I did not like parties. I was careful about who I invited into my life. I only had one friend and he was a fellow alcoholic, like myself, and also in the Navy, but stationed elsewhere. My drinking was done south of the border where it was legal. And alone. Almost always, alone.
Today, over thirty years later, I can say this: I am still a "loner." I am no longer lonely. I am still somewhat detached in my personality and ways. But I am not lonely. I still hate parties. But when I go, I don't feel lonely.
I never thought about the reasons for the change or when those deep feelings of loneliness went away until my later years, my years of wisdom. I didn't wake one day and say, "Ah, ha! I am no longer lonely!" My personality is such that I always kind of went with the ebb and flow of life, not concerning myself much with when the tide would come in or even why. Things just happened and I accepted them, realist that I am, without pondering the why's of the events. In short, I just dealt with life on a day to day basis. If I was lonely one day, I didn't think about it. I just went about life. And so I never gave thought to the fact that I was no longer lonely until much later in life.
But as I thought about it, some things leaped out at me and surprised me for they revealed some things about myself and about life that I'd never understood. As I pondered the reasons for my loneliness departing, I had to delve into some of the factors, some reasons, as to why I was lonely. Moreover, I understand now why all lonely people have those feelings.
Come with me and I'll share with you, my thoughts.
But come with an open mind. Don't react negatively to my assertions until you've heard me out. I believe that I can help some of you, if you really want to be helped.
Loneliness originates from a knowledge of our uniqueness. Every human being has that something within that is unique to themselves. There is an identity. There are thoughts. There is a capacity to know, to reason, to understand and to exist. We know that we are unique. We know that no one else has our thoughts, our precise feelings, our ideas and most of all, no one shares our identity. That identity, that something that makes us unique, is ours to possess alone. And instinctively, we recognize that. We come to know that there is no one out there exactly like ourselves. Oh, there may be resemblances and there may be some who sound like us, even look like us, or may even share some personality traits similar to ourselves. But we are all unique inside.
There's no one home but us.
And that's why we are lonely. No one is in there but us.
In my early years, I came to understand my uniqueness in the sense that I knew I was the only one in the entire universe who was me. There was no one else who was me. No one else shared my mind, my thoughts, my desires, my hopes and dreams. And even if I shared my thoughts and dreams with others, they still did not share me, that inner being that stays secluded and apart.
One reason we are driven to share our thoughts and dreams with others is this desire to break free from the feeling of loneliness. We let others "in" so that they can know us and share some of that uniqueness. Egotists are driven to let others into their lives in order to showcase all their "great" thoughts and lofty dreams. You see, if it all remains within, then no one will ever know who they are and no one will ever know those dreams and goals. And that, to many, is unthinkable, for their uniqueness demands that they have recognition.
It is this deep loneliness that drives many to seek great achievements in life. It is not enough to be unique within themselves. Others must know of this greatness, this uniqueness. We are driven to share our lives for without sharing ourselves with others, we remain as the rocks scattered in the great desert: unique, with all its secrets locked within.
But like the rocks, many choose to remain isolated in life, not willing to communicate with others the deep things within, not willing to open up, to reveal that secret interior. And the loneliness grows. Some marry, hoping to escape the loneliness. And it works to some degree, for many. But for many others, marriage is a mere band-aid on a gaping wound and the loneliness remains and perhaps even deepens. And even those who marry do not escape loneliness entirely because they still remain as they were. No one is in there but themselves.
The only true escape from loneliness is to have someone else to share that space we call our inner being. In short, we have to have someone else live "in there" with us. An impossible task, you say? Well, not really. If one believes in spirits, demons and the like, then one must admit that the human shell has long been a habitat for such creatures. Other spirits have inhabited human bodies almost from the beginning. And while it is not clear where that co-habitation is one by invitation or not, one thing seems to be pretty apparent: such spirits are not anxious to leave once they take up residence. They seem to enjoy the human experience. Or perhaps they enjoy the dominance. It isn't clear. However, humans who have had such habitation experiences do not report favorably about them. They lose control of themselves, that uniqueness. They can no longer control their own destiny. Their choices are made for them and are often choices that are harmful. They report excessive, almost compulsive behavior. And some report that it is a kind of torment for them. One of the best examples is from an ancient account of possession.
A CASE OF ANOTHER BEING INHABITING THE HUMAN BODY
"And there was in their synagogue a man with an unclean spirit; and he cried out, Saying, Let us alone; what have we to do with thee, thou Jesus of Nazareth? art thou come to destroy us? I know thee who thou art, the Holy One of God. And Jesus rebuked him, saying, Hold thy peace, and come out of him. And when the unclean spirit had torn him, and cried with a loud voice, he came out of him. And they were all amazed, insomuch that they questioned among themselves, saying, What thing is this? what new doctrine is this? for with authority commandeth he even the unclean spirits, and they do obey him." Mark 1:23-27 - The King James Bible (KJV).
That spirits inhabit the bodies of men and women on earth should not be such a shock to us. We do not know to what purpose their possessions are made but we do know that such possessions are not favored by God. Here is how the great Apostle Paul treated one young girl who has a spirit inhabiting her body (which also gave her some rather unique and special powers):
"And it came to pass, as we went to prayer, a certain damsel possessed with a spirit of divination met us, which brought her masters much gain by soothsaying: The same followed Paul and us, and cried, saying, These men are the servants of the most high God, which shew unto us the way of salvation. And this did she many days. But Paul, being grieved, turned and said to the spirit, I command thee in the name of Jesus Christ to come out of her. And he came out the same hour." Book of Acts 16:16-18, (KJV).
ANOTHER KIND OF SPIRIT
But there is another kind of being, another spirit who is also willing to enter the human body and share that life. That sharing is the only one in existence which can truly remove loneliness. That co-habitation is the only cure for that deep, lonely feeling that humans worldwide share. And that spirit is the living God, Jesus Christ.
I can say truthfully that my deep feelings of loneliness left when God's Spirit came into my body and merged itself with my own spirit. I have never had those feelings of loneliness since.
Oh, I have been lonely in the sense that I wanted someone to talk to, or wanted company, or missed my family. Those kind of feelings will always exist. But I'm talking about that deep, inner loneliness that comes from knowing that inside, you're all alone. No one is home but you.
Someone besides me is now home, now lives within me. I know that. I feel that. I sense that. I experience that. As it is written: "The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God." Romans 8:16, (KJV). I KNOW someone is in there now. There's someone else home besides me. My spirit is now one with God's Spirit. "But he that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit." 1 Corinthians 6:17- (KJV)
ENDING LONELINESS
Want to end your loneliness? In order to end it, you have to have God's Spirit come into your body and take up residence. That takes a couple of things. First of all, God must draw you to Himself. If you feel that drawing, that longing to have God dwell within you, then take it as a clear invitation. And now you have to do the inviting. You have to be willing to surrender your life to His life. You have to be willing to surrender your life style to His life style. In other words, God expects repentance. God expects you to be willing to turn away from your sinful ways and live for Him. Here are some important promises God has made to humans:
"Jesus answered, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God. That which is born of the flesh is flesh; and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit. Marvel not that I said unto thee, Ye must be born again." John 3:5-7, (KJV).
"Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you, And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty." 2 Corinthians 6:14-18 - (KJV).
God actually will come to live within your body.
"What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's." 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (KJV)
"Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you?" 1 Corinthians 3:16 (KJV)
Without the Spirit of God living in you, the body is actually dead. Your spirit is dead. Dead people are lonely people.
"For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also." James 2:26 (KJV)
So what kind of Spirit comes in to live with you?
"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7 (KJV)
I can tell you that God is a loving and kind God and who gives His Spirit to us generously. He gave His only Son, Jesus Christ, as a sacrifice for our sin. Following are some verses that you need to read and carefully consider in your search for God and in your invitation to have God's Spirit come to live within you.
Whosoever therefore shall confess me before men, him will I confess also before my Father which is in heaven. But whosoever shall deny me before men, him will I also deny before my Father which is in heaven. Matthew 10:32-33 (KJV)
That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. For the scripture saith, Whosoever believeth on him shall not be ashamed. For there is no difference between the Jew and the Greek: for the same Lord over all is rich unto all that call upon him. For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved. Romans 10:9-13 (KJV)
For it is written, As I live, saith the Lord, every knee shall bow to me, and every tongue shall confess to God. So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God. Romans 14:11-12 (KJV)
Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God: But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross. Wherefore God also hath highly exalted him, and given him a name which is above every name: That at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of things in heaven, and things in earth, and things under the earth; And that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. Philipians 2:5-11 (KJV)
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us. I John 1:9-10 (KJV)
My little children, these things write I unto you, that ye sin not. And if any man sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous: And he is the propitiation for our sins: and not for ours only, but also for the sins of the whole world. I John 2:1-2 (KJV)
And I fell at his feet to worship him. And he said unto me, See thou do it not: I am thy fellowservant, and of thy brethren that have the testimony of Jesus: worship God: for the testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy. And I saw heaven opened, and behold a white horse; and he that sat upon him was called Faithful and True, and in righteousness he doth judge and make war. His eyes were as a flame of fire, and on his head were many crowns; and he had a name written, that no man knew, but he himself. And he was clothed with a vesture dipped in blood: and his name is called The Word of God. And the armies which were in heaven followed him upon white horses, clothed in fine linen, white and clean. And out of his mouth goeth a sharp sword, that with it he should smite the nations: and he shall rule them with a rod of iron: and he treadeth the winepress of the fierceness and wrath of Almighty God. And he hath on his vesture and on his thigh a name written, KING OF KINGS, AND LORD OF LORDS. Revelation 19:10-16 (KJV)
And the devil that deceived them was cast into the lake of fire and brimstone, where the beast and the false prophet are, and shall be tormented day and night for ever and ever. And I saw a great white throne, and him that sat on it, from whose face the earth and the heaven fled away; and there was found no place for them. And I saw the dead, small and great, stand before God; and the books were opened: and another book was opened, which is the book of life: and the dead were judged out of those things which were written in the books, according to their works. And the sea gave up the dead which were in it; and death and hell delivered up the dead which were in them: and they were judged every man according to their works. And death and hell were cast into the lake of fire. This is the second death. And whosoever was not found written in the book of life was cast into the lake of fire. Revelation 20:10-15 (KJV)
And I saw a new heaven and a new earth: for the first heaven and the first earth were passed away; and there was no more sea. And I John saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a great voice out of heaven saying, Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and he will dwell with them, and they shall be his people, and God himself shall be with them, and be their God. And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away. And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new. And he said unto me, Write: for these words are true and faithful. And he said unto me, It is done. I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. I will give unto him that is athirst of the fountain of the water of life freely. He that overcometh shall inherit all things; and I will be his God, and he shall be my son. But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death. Revelation 21:1-8 (KJV)
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Copyright 1998 Voyle A. Glover